I really feel like I got a lot out of this class. I didn't really intend for it to turn into what it became for me, but I'm glad that it did. I feel like I know a little more about myself as a person, and maybe I can use that to interact with other people and even future projects or jobs that I'm involved with. I'm still really struck by the idea of the inside and outside of things. The cover that I put on myself is something that I really want to work on. I'd really like to be able to shed some of that so I can experience things in a much more positive way. I also took the idea from the discussion about my book that happened today in class that maybe I need to put things into a different perspective or find a way to make things smaller in some way so that I can better deal with situation and experiences. I think I focus too much on the foreboding ideas about finished products and the huge situations I experience, and I need to try to break that and think a little smaller. My thoughts are kind of running all over right now, especially since these are my final words as a college student, so I guess I'm just really glad that this ended up being my final class. I've learned a lot, had a lot of fun, and hopefully made a few new friends. I think everything about this class has been really good for me to be a part of. (=
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I've had about a zillion ideas about this project and it's been really difficult to narrow them down into something that I was actually able to create. I watched the video again, and I still don't really have a lot of feelings about it. I think it's cool to incorporate your body into technology and projects, but it's not really something I would ever do. It's interesting to see how people can come up with ideas and make them happen. Some of it is a little extreme to me, but it's always neat to see what other people are able to do. Since I'm not actually a Media Arts and Science major, I don't really think in terms of technology and projects like the ones shown in the video.
When it comes to me, I think a lot in sections. I try to compartmentalize things into chapters or small books that I can close, put on a shelf, and move on from. I tried to adopt this idea into my book. I turned each assignment into a small book that was made from a chapter in my book. I've been trying to get myself to start keeping a journal, so I made an attempt here as a start. Each little book has some thoughts and ideas that I had during that particular assignment or about feedback that I received during class after be presented them. I'd like to make a little case or shelf for them to all sit in, but I didn't have the time or resources to get that done by the time this is due. My intention is to be able to "pull a chapter off the shelf" to glance through and be reminded of what I experienced throughout this class. When I need a little pick-me-up, I can look to them and be reminded that I did some things that I never would have considered before and learned a lot about myself and who I am. I think the Fear assignment will be especially helpful in reminding me that I really can do anything I set my mind to and that I'll make it out the other side unscathed and in a better place. My goal is that this will help me to allow myself to get out and enjoy the things and people in my life instead of shutting myself inside my own head all the time. These will be my tiny reference books to help me when I need some guidance. (= I spent quite a bit of time thinking about the idea of a cover and an inside and outside of my final project. There have been a lot of different ideas about how my book is going to turn out, but I think I've finally settled on something. I'm not sure I'll be able to completely finish what I have planned, but the actual book transformation will be done on time. Technically, my finished product will have many "covers" on it that will serve as a reminder of where it started. I think it's always good to be reminded where things began. Sometimes that's something that gets forgotten in a lot of areas in life.
I had not so big plans for this assignment when we first talked about it. I originally intended to so something boring like catch up on some sleep for three hours, but I decided to actually have some fun instead. I know we don't have to share what we did, but I had a lot of fun so I wanted to at least maybe share a laugh. I think I talked to a couple people in class about an event I'm doing called GISHWHES. It stands for Greatest International Scavenger Hunt the World has Ever Seen, and it's put on by a charity run by one of my favorite actors, Misha Collins. It started Saturday (August 2nd) and goes through this coming Saturday (August 9th). Basically, Misha spends all year making a list of random things and then posts it at the start of the Hunt for people to complete. They can range from random acts of kindness (sign up to be a bone marrow donor or work with a volunteer organization to help plant a tree) to complete weirdness (make a dinosaur out of feminine hygiene products or make a gingerbread village that shows urban blight: needle exchanges, prostitution, heavy police presence, etc.). You do the items, take pictures and video of it, and then submit them to earn points. The winning team gets to go on a trip to a random destination. There are 15 people to a team and they can be from all over the world, which is kinda awesome. Basically, it's a week full of insane randomness, pushing your limits, and helping people. I'm super excited to be a part of it this year. Despite tremendous effort, I only managed to get one friend to sign up with me. We've been hyped for months, so when the list finally posted I ran to her house so we could get started. We made a portrait of Jean Luc-Picard out of ketchup and mustard, sucked blood from a donut, and lit a teddy bear on fire. Sometime this week we're hosting a newspaper boat race in the pyramid fountain by the library, turning small children into popcorn monsters, and possibly turning a bicycle into a rocket ship. I pretty much spent five hours doing nothing but silly things and having the most fun I've had in a long time. I also have two new friends from Germany, which is a huge bonus. Maybe next year I'll be able to get more people to join up with me, but my friend and I are making the best of it. Even if we don't win, we'll have had a lot of fun, done some truly insane things, and maybe even helped make a few people's day a little better. I think it'll be worth all the craziness and sleep deprivation. (= What was the fear project and what was it about: There were three that I really identified with, but I'll choose the one that was a little closer to home. For me, I really understood Olivia's project the most. She experienced bullying a lot throughout her life, so she decided to face it and try to put herself out there with her new roommates. The struggle of trying to put yourself out into a situation like that is something that I encounter all the time, so I admire her courage for being able to do that.
Why did you respond to it so strongly: Bullying is something that I'm quite familiar with, so I really felt where she was coming from. I wasn't bullied in "conventional" ways, but I definitely felt bullied and outside of pretty much every situation. In middle and high school, I was part of the "misfits" who didn't belong with anyone else, but I also didn't really feel like I belonged with them either. I've always been too much of a nerd for most people, but also not enough of a nerd to fit in with "true" nerds. It makes fitting in really complicated, so I tend to keep to myself a lot. I've also been trying to put myself out more lately so that I don't continue to be a hermit, but I understand how hard and scary it can be to open yourself up to hurt like that. It's difficult to let people in when you're so used to being let down. How does it impact how you see your own project and your own creative journey: All of the projects have really impacted my thought process. Honestly, it just helps a lot to hear that I'm not the only one with the same fears. Logically, I know that there are hundreds of people out there who have the same fears and reservations that I do, but it just feels really relieving to actually hear someone else talk about the same problems that I have. It's also good to know that others are finding ways to get themselves through it. If they're able to overcome this fear, it gives me hope that I might be able to overcome it too. It's really nice to hear that you aren't alone in your struggles sometimes. Observe the reaction: It didn't really get any strong reactions out of anyone. I also felt a little better about my fear after some others seemed to have similar ideas. People seemed to like some of my photos, so that was nice to hear.
Analysis of hypothesis with actual outcome: I suppose the reaction was similar to what I predicted. Some people seemed to share or understand my fear, so that was kind of comforting. It definitely wasn't as exciting as some others, so it didn't get any strong reactions. I was pretty much expecting that. Propose changes to your idea based on what happened: My main regret is that I wasn't able to spend much time on this project. I had intended to bring in something I had created and something that someone had given to me and have the class discuss and critique them both. Unfortunately that didn't work out so well, so I felt like this was a little half-baked and last minute. I definitely would like to put more thought into it if I do something like this again. I think it would have had a more interesting outcome if the class hadn't known which one was mine. I would be interested to see how that experiment would come out. Examine the situation: My biggest fears are disappointment, either in myself or from others, and the reactions and thoughts of others. I spend WAY too much time being worried about what other people are thinking either about me or about something that I've made or done. These fears effect all aspects of my life, including my creativity. While my experiment has changed somewhat due to craziness that's happened over the weekend, I'm hoping it will shed some light on my fear and help me overcome it.
Hypothesizing: I feel like everyone will be kind of indifferent of my experiment. It's not really exciting or shocking, so it may not really have a lot of effect on anyone. Class was tough for me today. Not because the subject was difficult, but I just couldn't seem to stay focused. I was too tired to pay attention much, so I only kept up with bits and pieces. The conversation about letting go was interesting. I'm sure there are a lot of things I need to work on letting go, so I may have to sit down and work out a list. It would be an interesting challenge for myself to try to work through some of the things on it. As always, it was interesting to hear what everyone else came up with. There were a lot of ideas that I never would have even thought of, which is always cool.
I'm a little worried about this fear project. I don't have a clue what I want to do for it, so I have a lot of thinking to do. It's a lot more complicated for me when it's something for other people. I had a few ideas for myself, but nothing that would really translate into an experience for anyone else. Back to the drawing board on this one it seems. I'm not very good with group participation projects, as I'm sure you would think, so this will be extremely difficult for me. I seem to be at a loss for ideas lately, so hopefully my fairy godmother will pop in to help me out. That would be really nice. I've struggled a LOT with this assignment. I just couldn't come up with any ideas for it at all. The only thing that I could think of to play with my senses was to somehow make myself unable to use one that I heavily rely on, like my sense of sound. So for a good chunk of yesterday, including some time at work, I made it a point to always have both my headphones in (It's kinda cheating, I know. Unfortunately I didn't have access to earplugs, so I did the best I could.) as I went about my normal activities. I normally have one headphone in with a podcast going at work, but both was a little disorienting. Not being able to hear anything happening around me got me a little freaked out. I had to rely on being able to feel my phone vibrate if someone needed me or my sense of sight to tell me if something was going on in the building. It was awkward, and I can't imagine how it would be to take the headphones off and still not be able to hear. This didn't really have much to do with altering time and I honestly am annoyed that my brain blanked and wouldn't come up with anything else. Hopefully it will be more cooperative for the next assignment. Class was fun today. It was fun to see what kinds of rules everyone decided to break for the last assignment. It made me realize how much I over think things most of the time. I didn't even consider coloring outside the lines as breaking a rule. I was making it entirely too complicated. Although, the assignment for Wednesday has me a bit freaked out. I have no clue where to even start with that. So
My title is a bit epic for what I did for this assignment, but it popped in my head and I couldn't resist. I really struggled with this assignment. Not because it was difficult, but because I just could not come up with anything to do. I kind of just rolled with it. Saturday afternoon I got a text from my best friend. He was having a cookout for his son's four birthday and invited me to come over. I almost said no because I'm not a fan of going to big social events, especially ones where I literally know only two people. I just kept thinking about the conversation that happened in class, which I'm still not sure how I feel about, and what was said about me trying to break my own rules. I figured I should give it a shot, so I went. Even though I was nervous on the drive over and kinda kept to myself for most of the shindig, I managed to have a pretty good time by the end. I'm sure the few people reading this post are thinking about how insanely lame this is. I usually avoid parties like the plague, so this was a pretty big deal for me. It's not necessarily a "rule" and I didn't physically create anything physical, but it was a huge challenge for me to take on. Even though I was pretty on edge for a lot of the evening, when I was in my car on the way home I felt pretty proud of myself. I couldn't even tell you the last time I willingly went to any kind of social gathering and actually had a good time. It was huge. I was worried that I would hide in a corner, but I did try to make myself talk to some people besides my best friend. I may have even made a couple new friends by the end of the night. Who knows? So, even though it may not have technically been a "rule" and I didn't physically create anything that I can show, I accomplished something that I never would have expected. Maybe this will help me to be less fearful the next time a shindig comes up. (=
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